Me too!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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