He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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