Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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