Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
