I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
