I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
