When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
