last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I sprained my soul last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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