Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
