I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
