This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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