hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
