WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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