Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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