things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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