Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
