Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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