they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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