I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
