No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
