I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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