cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
