White coat. Heels.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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