my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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