It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
