did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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