capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This is classic penis vs brain.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
