Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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