ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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