Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
