Whod you bang
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
