Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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