; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
