the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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