fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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