I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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