there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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