You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
