there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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