when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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