My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
