im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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