I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Randomize
