he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
