Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
