You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
