yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think my nap took me to another dimension
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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