discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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