Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
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Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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