Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
