I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
