Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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