i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
