Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
