3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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