if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
