it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Randomize
