I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
