You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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