I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
