Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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