okay pat passed out under dana's car
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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