you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
