She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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