Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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