you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
