can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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