My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
