Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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