that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We need to get me chipped asap
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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