I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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