omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
