but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
