Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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