Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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